Lent - Gift of Emptiness

Exodus 17

Philippians 2

            The Dark Woods look different to each and everyone of us.  In my first call after seminary, I took what I thought was my dream job.  My goal in seminary was to be a youth minister and after graduation I moved to Charlotte, NC to a large church to join a staff of 5 pastors.  I had three large youth programs to oversee, a large budget, great resources, it was everything that I thought I wanted in ministry.  It didn’t take long for me to realize this dream job was not so dreamy.  My dark woods included: culture shock, although I had attended college only 30 miles away, my college campus had a very different culture than what I was experiencing in this part of Charlotte.  I was also feeling very isolated.  I was hoping to reconnect with college friends in the area, but my schedule and their schedules were very different.  I was working when they were free and vice versa.  I was exhausted:  my summer schedule was out of control with taking youth to various conferences and mission trips.  And I was expected to do everything. 

            I can laugh about this one know, but at the time it was extremely traumatic.  The church had two small buses, 15 seaters, so I didn’t need a special driver’s license to drive them.  Well, I was also given no training on driving them.  Just, here are the keys.  That’s it, no instructions nothing.  So, after the first time I used the bus, I was called down to the office- felt kind of like being called to the principal’s office, and was scolded.  I had not refilled the bus with gas.  No one had told me that I needed to refill the bus with gas.  I hadn’t really driven it that far.  So, off to the gas station I went, in this bus that I really couldn’t drive.  I pulled in and this guy had just left his car at the pump.  I was told to move the bus and as I tried to pull around the car, oh, did I mention the car door was open?  Well, as I pulled the bus around I took the car door with me.  Well, that was it for me.  The driver of the car came screaming at me, I quickly gave him my business card and told him to contact the church.  I don’t know if it was my tears or that he saw Rev. Carie Morgan on my card, but he quickly said: oh, you are a pastor?  In my tears I nodded yes, and he quickly calmed down and said he would contact the church. 

            I was now fully in the Dark Woods, crying out to God, trying to figure out how following my dream could get me into so much chaos.  I was miserable.  So, when I hear the stories of the Israelites in the wilderness, moaning and groaning against Moses and against God, I totally get it.  Sometimes a dream does not turn out to be the dream we are expecting.  Freedom from Pharaoh is a dream come true, but no the people are filled with thirst.  Out of the Pot and into the Frying Pan.  The grass is always greener on the other side. 

            When we find ourselves in the Dark Woods of our lives, God provides clearings, the author of the book I am using refers to them as fields.  We might call them an oasis in the desert, or for Moses and the Israelites, moments where water flows forth from a rock.  I was able to create small little oasis throughout my struggles, coffee breaks with a good friend, an escape to the movies, but these did not really quench my thirst.  Something just was not right and I really had to address my call and how God was talking to me.  I ended up having to take a leave of absence from my job and I spent that time: sewing, learning yoga, and attending a women in ministry conference at Princeton Seminary.  The timing was perfect, and the conference spoke to me like the burning bush.  I had to let go of what I thought was my dream of being a youth pastor and face my fear of being a solo pastor.

            Why would I be afraid of being a solo pastor?  Well, for starters, I would have to preach every week.  That felt very intimidating to me.  I would have to moderate session meetings.  I would have to spend time with, well adults. 

            In the dark wood struggles of life, as we find the clearings, as we find the fields, the oasis, as we are given water from the rocks, God calls us to examine our fears.  Are there particular things holding us back?  Perhaps holding us back in a way that inner gifts have not yet even been allowed to surface.  Moses was filled with insecurities, he didn’t want this leadership role, he didn’t want to face Pharaoh, he did his best to give excuses, but once he realized God was calling him he could no longer say no.  He listened to God and despite all of his fears and insecurities he trusted that if this was of God, then God would provide.  In his trust, Moses listened first and only to God, he would not give in to Pharaoh, he would not give in to protesting Israelites in the wilderness, he trusted and continued to trust in God through the Dark Woods, through the wilderness, through the lack of water until God provided.  Moses was able to empty himself of so much of our human baggage, his own insecurities, his own fear of his survival, Moses had to have been thirsty too, but because he had already experienced the wonder and sacred presence of God in his life, his level of trust was solid. 

            Fear, trust, chaos, seeking ways to empty ourselves of our insecurities and placing our lives into God’s loving hands, this is Lent.  Jesus, God’s presence here on earth, is God’s example of self emptying.  God empties God’s very self to enter into our world in human form, to walk among us, to experience our joys and our fears, our love and our grief, and our stresses and temptations.  Like Moses, Jesus built his entire ministry around trust in God.  No matter what he was feeling, no matter what burdens others were throwing at him, he fully trusted in God.  As we move through Lent, we know we are moving towards the cross.  Before we arrive to the Easter celebration, we must face the reality of human cruelty, human sin, and human fear. 

            Jesus’ obedience to God created fear in others.  Both the religious leaders of the time and the Roman officials feared him.  The writer of Philippians is able to identify and name this in Jesus.  He names that even though Jesus was divine, he was able to empty himself in order to take human form, he was able to continue to empty himself in obedience to God, even to the point of death.  Talk about letting go of fear, most of us would say, I am only willing to go so far, but death, sorry, I draw the line there.  But we are not called to the same calling as Jesus, his gift of self emptying is a gift for us, not an expectation that we will do the same.  And so, even in death on the cross, the ultimate emptying, his life given, God overcomes human sin, human fear, human cruelty.  The cross is not the final word, it is not the victory of the Dark Woods, but rather it is another clearing, another oasis, another field where we can gain clarity on who we are and whose we are. 

            In the vastness of this universe, God connects with us, here in this place, generation after generation, before Moses and after Jesus, God gives us spiritual leaders to meet us in the Dark woods and to guide us into clearings, God teaches us ways to release our fears and build our trust on our loving creator, and in the gift of the cross, we are given a message that no matter how awful life can be, whether it is the random acts of violence filling our morning news, or our own inner struggles, God is present with us, and gives us the good news that death is not the final word. 

            In my Dark Woods of ministry, I felt dead, I thought I was going to have to let go of my dream and start all over again.  That Lent might have been the most meaningful Lent of my life.  As I sought to redefine myself, and my calling, the easiest way out was just to quit.  Leave the ministry, and find a way to go back into teaching.  But through the oasis, through the clearing, through facing my fears, and finding a supportive group of female pastors to spend a week in learning and conversation, prayer and worship, I felt a rebirth.  Lent leads us to Easter and the greatest gift of our faith is the concept of the resurrection.  The resurrection does not have to be after this life is over, it can happen over and over again on this journey we are upon.  God provides water from a rock and God brings life out of a cross.  These are not ways of this world, but trust in a spiritual provider, a spiritual guide, a spiritual creator that desires our love our praise and our desire to follow whole heartedly in the ups and downs of this life.  Amen.  

Lent: Gift of Uncertainty (John 4-5)

“The Dark Woods:  uncertainty”

Do you want to be made well?  Jesus asks the man at the pool a very pointed question.  Do you want to be made well?  I still remember, when I was in high school, going to the doctor and hearing a similar pointed question.  My doctor asked me, do you just want to be sick?  Do I just want to be sick?  I’m at the doctor’s office, I am seeking help to be made well.  Why, why would he ask me if I just want to be sick?  Who wants to be sick?  In high school, I had two mystery ailments, one was migraines.  Why no doctor could figure out that I was suffering from migraines is beyond me, I should think that would be an easy one to diagnose.  I think one doctor said I had a mild form of meningitis.  The other mystery pain in my side was never diagnosed.  The doctors were really good at ruling things out, like appendicitis, but never could determine a real concern, so I must be making it up.  Do you just want to be sick?  Ugh. 

Did the man at the pool feel the same way?  Here he had been for 38 years, waiting, waiting to be made well.  The pool was believed to have healing powers, but one must enter the water as soon as it is disturbed and for some reason, in 38 years, this particular man never made it into the water.  38 years is an awfully long time to wait, to wait to be healed.  How did he survive for 38 years?  Most likely, he begged.  People came from all over to be healed by this waters, day after day, and so as family members brought their loved ones, they perhaps tossed him a coin or two.  He survived on the charity of others, but no one would place him in the pool.  Or maybe, he just didn’t want to be made well.  Is that possible?  Would someone really not want to be made well?  After how many years do you get use to a certain lifestyle?  When did he finally realize that begging at the pool really wasn’t that bad?  When did he possibly decide to give up trying to have someone place him in the pool?  Maybe after one year of waiting, five years of waiting ten years of waiting?  But 38 years? 

I chose to use two passages from the gospel of John today, both passages involve people that are separated by society, both involve water, and both involve encounters with Jesus.  The woman at the well and the man at the pool are both in the Dark Woods of their lives.  They are both in places of uncertainty,  From the book:  The Gifts of the Dark Woods, Eric Elnes writes:  To most people, uncertainty seems more like a curse than a gift.  When you cannot see the endpoint of your journey, or the path ahead of you is not clearly marked, you grow nervous.  If you do not have rock-solid assurance that everything will be okay and that the path ahead is perfectly safe, you tend to dig your heals in.” 

The woman at the well, and the man at the pool both encounter Jesus but they both do so in different ways.  The women engages in conversation, and as Jesus names things about her, she is awoken, and is able to see him as the Messiah.  She leaves him and goes and tells others in the village about him, and we learn that others come and believe because of her testimony. 

As Jesus tells the man at the pool to take up his mat and walk, he finds himself in conversation with others.  They are criticizing him because he is carrying his mat on the Sabbath which is unlawful.  Instead of being so full of joy about being healed, instead of proclaiming that he has encountered the Messiah, he does not even know the name of the person that healed him.  What a drastic contrast to that of the woman at the well.  We are told that later, Jesus finds the man in the Temple and engages him in conversation again.  Is he at the Temple because it is the Sabbath?  One source suggests that he has reverted back to begging.  He has been made well, but he does not know what that means.  All he knows in life is begging, so he goes to another place where people will have pity on him and toss him a few coins.  As Jesus confronts him, See you have been made well, do not sin anymore.  What is he referring to?  Is begging a sin?  Or is he pretending that he is still an invalid so as to make money on the charity and pity of others? 

This time, as he leaves Jesus, he goes to the Jewish leadership and lets them know that Jesus is responsible for his healing.  There is not the same reaction as the story of the woman at the well, others do not come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah because of his testimony, rather, the religious authorities begin their persecution of Jesus for healing on the Sabbath. 

On Thursday night, we started our Lenten dinner series, and the man at the pool is a great example of what it means to be stuck.  Maybe Jesus was right with his question, do you want to be made well?  This man is stuck.  For 38 years he has only known one way of life.  Being a beggar at the pool gave him certainty, it was consistent, it was his routine.  He knew what to expect each and every day.  Now that he is well, he doesn’t have a clue as to what to do with himself.  He is deeply stuck. 

The woman at the well, her life is shook up too.  But instead of fighting the uncertainty, instead of digging in her heals, she embraces the gift she has been given, and places her life into the trust that this is indeed the Messiah.  She was open to the spiritual transformation that it was bringing into her life, even though socially, she still had issues and challenges to face. 

Each of us live by how our journey of life has defined us.  We have roles, mother, father, brother, sister, athlete, scholar, some of these labels are ones that we accept and embrace, while others can be given to us by others and are not so desirable.  In the days of Jesus these involved: sinner, outcaste, prostitute, tax collector, leper, Samaritan, unclean.  For the man at the pool, his life was defined by his limitations.  To heal this man would be to disrupt everything he knows and has become accustomed to in this world.  God does not want us to live by our limitations.  So, even though this man does not seem grateful at all for being healed, Jesus heals him non-the less.  So why does Jesus bother?  Why would Jesus waste his time with this man?  Because no matter how hard of heart we are, the Holy Spirit is always finding ways to nudge us into places of wholeness.  We are given opportunities to awaken like the woman at the well, and we are given opportunities to resist like the man at the pool. Jesus knows this man is in the deepest of the Dark Woods of his life and that his soul will never be free if he continues to live in the false certainty that he has convinced himself that he has as a beggar.  In healing him, Jesus begins the process of freeing this man’s soul, so that as he awakens in the dark woods of his life, he will have more opportunities to see his greater potential. 

Sacred moments happen over and over again in our sacred story in the dark woods of uncertainty.  Moses lived in uncertain times, and the Hebrew people struggled in their journey through the wilderness, learning to place trust in God over their uncertainty of the journey.  We too are living in uncertain times.  I can give you a long list of all the uncertainties around us:  The environment, the economy, our education system, the job market, our food supply, random violence, the fear of terrorism.  We each journey through the Dark Woods of our lives, and as we encounter uncertainty, we are called to examine the moment as a possible sacred intervention.  God is asking us, where do you place your trust?  Are we being shackled by fear, or allowing ourselves to continue to live? 

In the book, the author uses an illustration of a swan.  Swans are awkward on the land, the waddle around, and they yearn to be in the water.  When a swan is in the water, it is graceful, at home, in a place of peace.  “You only have to touch the elemental waters in your own life, and it will transform everything.  But you have to let yourself down into those waters from the ground on which you stand, and that can be hard.”  It is no accident that both the woman and the man are at places of water, for Jesus at least is able to share with the woman that he is living water, The water that I will give will become in them a spring of water gushing up to eternal life.”

1st Sunday Lent - Dark Woods - series

Dark Woods:  Temptation

In the Disney movie, Moana, there is a scene that involves a crab.  This crab loves stuff, the shinier the better.  When he finds his treasures, he sticks them to the back of his shell.  He is absolutely covered in stuff.  As Moana encounters this crab, he sings her a song.  Shiny
Like a treasure from a sunken pirate wreck
Scrub the deck and make it look...Shiny
I will sparkle like a wealthy woman's neck

Shiny   Watch me dazzle like a diamond in the rough
Strut my stuff; my stuff is so...

            He loves shiny stuff.  As we begin this season of Lent, we begin by thinking of the temptations before us that are shiny distractions.  Are there things, perhaps even good things, that distract us?  Are there good things that get us off course and keep us from doing our best good because we are drawn into distraction? 

            Jesus is in the wilderness, he is there not as a punishment, he is there because the Spirit sends him there.  The Spirit leads him to the wilderness where he fasts for forty days.  He is involved in a spiritual practice before he encounters his three temptations.  Jesus is famished so the tempter comes to him and says, turn these stones into loaves of bread.  Not really a bad temptation, I don’t see anything wrong with creating food.  In fact, later on in Jesus’ ministry, he takes loaves and fishes and feeds the 5,000. But, in this particular moment in time, this is not the greatest good that Jesus is being called to do.  Performing a miracle, creating food, is a shiny distraction.  Jesus stays focused, remembers his purpose in that particular moment in time, and is able to say no in order to say yes to his spiritual calling. 

            Now, the next two temptations are a bit more extreme.  Jumping off the highest point of the Temple and expecting angels to catch him, not really any greater good in this one except to show off.  We have all kinds of dare devils in today’s world that enjoy this thrill, creating bird body suits so that as they jump they can then soar to the ground.  Sometimes the thrill of showing off can just get us distracted and we don’t even realize we are doing it.  Maybe our showing off isn’t as drastic as attempting to fly, but we do find our own particular ways to try and shine, to try and out do someone else, to try and look great.  But it all becomes distractions and keeps us from doing our best good. 

            The last of the temptations is the most pointed.  The tempter will give power if only Jesus will worship him.  Look, here are all the nations of the world, and they can be yours if only, if only you worship me.  Well, of course Jesus is going to say no, but what about us?  So many of us were raised to excel, to climb to the top, to be powerful.  We push our children at a young age into competitive sports because they just might be a future Olympian or professional player.  When was younger, I wanted so badly to be an Olympian, I just might have fallen into the temptation of assuring that future if there was some sort of quick fix for it. 

            Although we may not personally connect to the temptation of ruling the world, there are bright and shiny temptations all around us that keep us from keeping God as our center.  Jesus was clearly able to name what is right and what is wrong as he keeps his focus and his center on God, but as we journey through this life, we can so easily get distracted.  And we don’t even realize that these good distractions are actually hurting us. 

            One of the missional habits is called Missional action and it examines the choices we make within the life of the church and becoming more focused.  It calls us to think about what we might have to say no to in order to give something else our greater yes.  God has called us, as a church, to a specific purpose in this place in this time.  We may feel that our path is not clear, and so we need to fine tune our good intentions and learn to say no to some of the shiny goods that come our way. 

            There is a labyrinth on your bulletin cover.  A labyrinth is not a maze, it is a spiritual practice of prayer guiding people as they seek clarity on an issue or concern.  This one can be used as a finger labyrinth.  Is there a shiny good before you?  Something that does not seem like a bad temptation, but maybe a distraction?  Take time, pray about the shiny good, allow your finger to follow the path through the labyrinth, and pray about what other good this might distract you from.  For those that, like myself, sometimes bite off more than they can chew, this is a good practice.  I would honestly say that helping with the PTA right now is my shiny distraction.  Its not a bad thing, they need helpers, but it is keeping me from the greater good of my commitment of the kindergarten Daisy Girl Scout troop.  I want Andi to do swimming, but the only class available is during an afterschool program that she is enjoying.  We have so many choices today, so many shiny distractions.  So many good choices.  But no one should be spread thin and as a spiritual people, we need to make sure that our choices are keeping God at our center.  

Ash Wednesday - meditation

“Buoyancy”

As many of you know, I enjoy scuba diving.  In order to have a good dive, I must figure out how much weight to add in order to obtain a place of buoyancy about five feet above the floor of the ocean.  It seems rather strange to have to actually add weight to oneself since the scuba gear, itself, is rather heavy.  It would seem as if I would sink to the bottom like a rock, but, without the additional weight, I would be constantly fighting to stay down near the bottom.  We are, in a sense, naturally buoyant, and even more so in salt water. 

              Someday, I will write my devotion book for Scuba divers, but until then, I will share how I feel scuba diving connects to Ash Wednesday.  Finding that place, that place where you are not sinking but also not fighting to stay under water, that place of freeness, that place of underwater floating, to me is like finding one’s center with God. 

But, life seems to give us dramatic ups and downs.  There are times when we feel like we are drowning and there are times when we feel like we can barely keep our head above water, there are times where we yearn to be in the boat where all is safe.  And during those times, perhaps we made choices that were not God centered, that might have been self-centered or we may feel angry at God, that God is punishing us, or that God is not present with us for whatever reason we may think up.  Sometimes we don’t even know how life has gotten so out of control and we just freeze out of fear, out of despair, out of hurt, or out of doubt.  Up and down we go, looking for an anchor, looking for a rope, looking for something to grab hold of, looking for salvation. 

            We begin tonight with the story of Peter.  Peter is one of the twelve disciples, a leader among the group.  The twelve have just witnessed the amazing miracle of the loaves and the fishes.  Jesus sends his disciples off in a boat to cross the lake and Jesus takes time in solitude to pray.  While the disciples are sailing across the lake, a storm sets in upon them and we are told that the boat is being battered by the waves.  We are then told that early in the morning, perhaps the sun is not yet up but there is the beginning whisper of light at the edge of the sky, they see an apparition on the water coming towards them.  Now, they probably had not gotten any sleep due to the storm, and the fuzz of night mixing with day might have made them rub their eyes, what in the world was going on?  I don’t blame them for being fearful.  Why, in a million years, would they expect Jesus to be walking on the water towards them?  So, they cry out.  And Jesus responds – do not be afraid. 

            Now, instead of just relaxing and being reassured that Jesus is on his way to join them, Peter seems to challenge this moment in time as he speaks out:  if it is you – command me to come to you on the water.  Really Peter?  But out of the boat Peter climbs and begins to walk towards Jesus.  That is, until a wind blows and he panics and well, you know what happens, he sinks.  But as he is sinking, he reaches out his hand towards Jesus and calls out – Save me!  In the midst of his sinking, he reaches out and cries:  Save me. 

            Ash Wednesday, here we are.  A day that marks the beginning of Lent, but a day where we too can say, Lord, I am afraid, Lord, if you are really there command me to come to you, a day where we can name where we have been so afraid and lost that we feel like we are going to sink and be lost forever, a day where we can reach out our hand and cry- Save me.    

Tonight we begin a sermon series that we will continue through the Sundays of Lent.  In this season, we will be journeying through the Dark Woods of life and finding the moments where God is there with us.  Now, just the mention of the words “Dark Woods” may bring to mind all kinds of mental imagery: scary, lost, danger, night, wild, elements.  All of which can, in one way or another, connect to the season of Lent.  Lent examines the realness of life: deceit, loss, sacrifice, sin, and even death. 

            But the dark woods offer us moments of grace, moments of divine interaction, moments where the hand of God reaches out to us, and lifts us back into the boat.  In Scuba diving, one seeks to find the place of buoyancy, the place where one is neither sinking nor rising to the surface but just floating, as if weightless, under the water.  One writer shares this:  “The human spirit possesses natural buoyancy.  It can be held down by enslavement to the senses, by ambition, by anger and violence, or by cares and worries.  It can be held down, but is natural tendency remains dramatically oriented toward God.  It can never be satisfied until this upward impulse is allowed.”  There are so many things in life that can hold us down.  Ash Wednesday is a day where we can ritualize those things, name those things, cry out to God and ask to be saved from those things: such as anger, and addiction, and despair, and loneliness.   It is here, in these places where we need to listen to our soul.  Where we need to hear that we are not where we are suppose to be.  Peter was not where he was suppose to be, he thought he was, he thought he could walk out on the water, but his fear overtook him.  His place  of natural buoyancy was reaching out to the hand of Jesus and being pulled back into the boat. 

            Where is your soul yearning to be?  Each of us has a place of buoyancy.  A place where our soul and God connect, where we are not stressed but released in the trust that God is present with us. 

On this Ash Wednesday, I invite you to take a rock and place it in the water for those things that are weighing you down, and I invite you to take a ping pong ball and place it in the water naming the places in your life that are buoyant, connected to God, free and unencumbered.